When a woman sizes up the opposition and sees she could give her a good run for her money, she often doubles up her effort to win back her man. But what does she do if the opposition is a granny?! Andrey, and her husband, Caleb, had been married for eighty years when they were finally allocated the two-bedroomed flat they paid a deposit on ages ago. “It was a dream come true when we finally moved in,” said Andrey. “As typical of all these government-built apartments, most of the fixtures were half completed. But we gladly took on the finishing process which we completed in months. No more scowling landlord, we joked, and the neighbourhood was nice enough.
“Our building is semi-detached and we often saw the other owner with his wife when they come to inspect the on-going construction works . You can imagine how disappointed I was when the couple introduced their 62-year-old mother as the occupant of their flat. She’d been widowed a few years back, explained the son, now they wanted her to be independent by living alone with a maid they provided for her. The woman didn’t look the part of a widow. She was wearing well-groomed extensions and dressed like a young girl. Well made-up and freshly manicured, I was sure her daughter-in-law was glad to get her out of their house.
“I disliked her immediately and I prayed she would just stay in her corner. As the months went by, she was always popping in for one favour or the other. Whenever her son visited with his wife, he would drop by for a chat and grandma would be at their heels. Once in a while, she would invite us over when her friends visited and these friends were even more outrageous than she was. Caleb and I are in our 30s, what would we be doing with this flighty mother-figure when both our mums were well and alive!
“Unfortunately, Caleb was smitten by her sophisticated looks and her crazy friends. He went over as often as he could and I tried not to be jealous. What hold would a 62-year-old granny have over my young husband? Then one day, I got home only to be told by the maid that my husband had left with one of our friends. Getting dinner ready, I realised our mixer was still with ‘grandma’ so I went round to her apartment. As I approached, 1 heard a thumping noise coming from upstairs. Was she being attacked? Heart in my month, I tip toed upstairs only to realise it was her having sex in her bedroom! The grunts and shrieks were unmistakable. Shaking my head in disgust, I had to admit she was having a good time with whoever it was she had with her. I was about to turn and head back to her kitchen when I froze. Amidst the groaning, I could have sworn I just heard someone shout ‘Caleb!’ “The walls weren’t all that thick and as I strained to hear, I could make out a voice saying ‘Caleb, oh caleb, yes! That feels so good!’ That couldn’t be my own Caleb, could it? I listened intently to the male groans – and I recognised them instantly. I ran downstairs, rushed out and shouted at the bedroom window for them to come out. I yelled at Caleb that I just came from upstairs and knew he was there. I carried on shouting and screaming obscenities. On and on I went and a few of the neighbours came out to get a look at the crazy lady screaming and swearing. I didn’t care. In the end, they realised I wasn’t going anywhere and grandma opened the door downstairs wearing a lose boubou – I was sure she had nothing else under that gown!
“She glared at me. ‘Calm down, will you. Everyone on the street is staring,’ she said. ‘Get out of my way!’ I yelled, pushing her inside and running up the stairs. As I opened her bedroom door, my worst fears were confirmed. There was Caleb, naked but for his under pants, and cowering in her bed. ‘Andrey, I’m sorry … ‘ he whined, but I didn’t let him finish. I dived at him, punching, slapping and screaming. ‘How could you,’ I yelled at him. ‘She’s a pensioner, for God’s sake! We haven’t even been married nine years!’ Grandma suddenly
appeared. I saw red and slapped her hard across the face and ripped off her boubou. Her sagging boobs would have made me laugh but for the rage that I felt. ‘Why couldn’t you find a man of your own age?’ I asked her. ‘Well, you are welcome to him!’ And with mat I went back to the house and locked Caleb out. I then called ‘grandma’s’ son to tell him what she’d been up to.
“He was full of apologies when he came. He had no excuse for what his mum had done but begged me not to let it destroy our marriage. She was not likely to steal Caleb from me and he told me he spoke with Caleb before he came to the house. Caleb admitted mum had virtually thrown herself at him – complimenting his looks all the time and giving him meals he never admitted he’d eaten. No wonder he was always picky at dinner time, now I know why.
“That was some four months ago. Caleb and I had stopped sleeping together for now. He’d apologised over and over again, but I need to get that picture of him cowering in the bed of that shameless granny out of my mind so I could truly forgive him. Thank goodness she’s now kept to herself – but she still dresses in her ridiculously young clothes and have friends trooping in and out of her house. Her son seldom visit now but says hello if he runs into us. It must have been the height of embarrassment to have a mother as shameless as his. But what could he do?
“Divorce is not an option here. I still love my husband. I just need time to get over what he did to me. With time, our marriage will get back on course. We’ve invested too much in it to allow a randy granny to ruin it.”